I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
Carla and I had Christmas Eve dinner at her brother's house. After eating and opening presents we were sitting, drinking beer and talking to the family. Our neice mentioned that she had been thinking of going in to the army and Carla's brother (one of her uncles) was telling her, "You need to realize that going in to the army isn't just a free education. They turn you in to a soldier. They teach you to be a killer....not that there's anything wrong with that. We'd still be proud of you....but you'd have to learn to kill....not that there's anything wrong with that."

So, I jumped in and blew my cover of ever being one of them. I let them know what I believe

War is murder. It doesn't matter what causes the war and what ideology you believe your fighting for, when you pick up a gun and shoot another man, you are murdering him or her. Sure, you may believe that your fighting for the cause of good....but you can be damned sure that the other guy also thinks the same way and when you shoot him you've commited a sin just as heinous as he would have done had he killed you.

I don't believe in violence and I sure as hell don't believe in killing. I hope that I will live up to my ideals in my life, but I know I'm not that strong. If someone threatened Carla's life or the life of someone else I loved then I probably could kill. I don't know that I even have that strong of an attachment to my own life. I'd fight to protect myself but if I had to kill someone else to save my own life, I'd rather die. I'm not afraid to die....but I am afraid of losing the people I love.

...and that's it. Killing is an act of fear. Not bravery. To face an opponent unarmed with no intention to kill is far braver an act that picking up a gun to protect yourself.

My point is that if I am ever going to kill someone you better be damned sure that I'll know what I'm fighting for. Soldiers rarely have that luxury. They are told that the enemy is evil. They are sent to kill someone and they rarely know what...or who...they are fighting for. They are given abstract ideas like flag and country. There is talk of ideology...of democracy and freedom..but rarely do they see the truth.

War is murder...and the saddest part is that it's usually started for the same reason that most crimes are caused: Greed. Wether it is greed for wealth, land or power, the leaders of the wars aren't looking to start the wars to help out the common people. On the contrary, they use the common people...the masses to fight the war while in the end the common people come out no better than they were when the war started...that is..if they come back at all.

You want to be a soldier? Look at history. Look at the causes of wars and tell me if most wars couldn't have been avoided with just a little more communication or diplomacy between nations. Look at the soldiers that returned home from wars and tell me how many were really in a better place after the war. Most soldiers came home to short "ticker-tape" parade and then...nothing. The country forgot about them and left them to pay the higher taxes to pay for the war that they fought while the weapons manufacturers and other people who profit from war reinvested their new wealth elsewhere.

Most of you know, I'm a history buff and that I have an interest in Colonial America and the American War for Independence. I've read up on the battles, the major players, the events that led to the war and the events after the war....and one thing I've learned is that it was an unneccesary and unjust war of which little goodcame from. Sure...there was independence but we didn't need independence. The British were willing to work with us to avoid what they knew (and we knew) would be a bloody and costly conflict. But our founding fathers (whom I actually do respect) were not as willing to negotiate as they were to fight. There were horrible battle up an down the American colonies and in the end....nothing.

Democracy was nothing new. It was a way of life long before the Revolution and while the new United States was a slightly better form of democracy than the British Parliament it was hardly groundbreaking. What about the British taxes, you say? At the start of the war, Britian had already repealed most of the taxes against the colonies and Americans were getting taxed far less than any other British subjects. The tax they were charged was nothing but a symbolic tax. After the war, Americans have been taxed far greater percentages of their wealths than the British ever dreamed of and at one point shortly after the War a bunch of farmer's got together and rebelled. So, the government was re-hauled to make a more powerful government that could more easily crush any rebellions started by the working man. You see, it was OK for the working class to fight and die for rebellions that benefited the upper class but when they started to fight for themselves it was time to crush them.

So these same guys that fought in Washington's War soon found themselves disillusioned. They leave this out of most history textbooks, but most American soldiers never even got paid the money they were due for their service. Many of them lost their farms and all the little wealth they had before the war and never even got their basic pay and the dream that they fought for? Due to the voting laws in most states only landowners could vote and most of these men didn't own any land (they were poor, remember?). It wasn't until over a hundred years later that the United States of America even started to resemble anything close to a true democracy.

That is the life of a soldier. It's the same in almost any war. They fight for the rich men that fund the war and the cause of those men and they get little to show for it. There are few wars that can not be avoided..but first the so called leaders must learn to care. They must care more for the lives of the men, women and children they endanger than the advancement of their own personal goals. When we get people like that to lead us, we will rarely see wars and the world can finally become a better place.

But until then, I could never be a soldier.