Another Rambling Post
It has taken me a few days to understand my reaction to the Columbia. I heard about it in the car Saturday morning as I went to the store. I listened passively as the NPR host interviewed a guy about what may have caused it and whether it could have been prevented. I didn't know what he was talking about at first, but as I understood, I realized something that shocked me. I wasn't upset. Sure, it was horrible thing to happen, but I wasn't as upset as I would have expected to be.

When the Challenger blew up, I was in elementary school. I was in a club at the time called "The Young Astronauts" and I had pictures of the space shuttles tacked all over my walls. I wanted nothing more than to go to Space. I figured that I would be working in space at this age...or at least vacationing there. The Challenger explosion devestated me. Then, it got worse. They cancelled launches for a long time and my dreams of space stations and moon colonies by the year 2000 seemed more like a dream.

I still believe in the space program. It is extremely important that the human race get their butts off the planet so the environment can heal itself. The experiments with the shuttle are leading us there by practicing building self-contained environments and finding scientific uses for space which will in turn prove to big business (aka- the ruling class) that space can be profitable and therefore worth their investment. It's sad that we need to prove that space is has profitable applications but until the system changes, the space program will never get the money that things like defense does. (Defense spending and research is very profitable. We create new weapons that are used to secure American business interests and everyone else starts buying the new weapons from our companies in order to keep up.)

So, what changed? Why do I feel so apathetic about this tragedy? Part of it is 9/11. After seeing the media and merchandising blitz that followed the 9/11 tragedy, I've become defensive. After 9/11 I, like a lot of people, had nightmares. They were partially the part of the horror of the incident but they were also partly because of the fact that my senses were bombarded each day by images, reminding me of how scared and horrified I was supposed to be.

So, I haven't watched the tv news in the last week. I haven't read the articles. I don't want to see it. This comes from the guy that still has the publicity photos of the Columbia in a box. These photos were sent to me by NASA when I was nine and wrote them a letter. These photos were pinned to the wall of my room for most of my youth. I still have them. I can't give them away, nut I don't want to hear about how it ended.

Another part of me is dead to sorrow. I don't mourn any more. I did after 9/11 and the Afghanistan invasion/massacre. What good did it do anyone? Now, I get mad. I try to become more active and prevent future tragedies. Nothing can be done to save those astronauts now, just as nothing can save the children who died in Afghanistan by American-made bombs or the children who have been dying daily in Iraq since the trade sanctions began. If I felt the horror and tragedy of all these events like I did on September 11th or back in 1986, I'd never function. People are dying all over the world and many of them are suffering far more than the Columbia astronauts. Suffering is everewhere. It's in the news every day. Sometimes it's there staring you in the face. Other times it's hidden between the lines as you read about budget cuts to health care or the latest store closing by K-Mart. There is suffering. What can I do?

At least the Columbia astronauts got tolive as long as they did. How many children will die if Bush goes ahead with his battle plans and lays waste to Baghdad? How many children live in Baghdad? Does anyone know how many children will die and never have a chance to become astronauts...or poets...or anything else?

They were heroes and my best wishes go to their families. My best wishes also go to the families all over the world who have recently lost loved ones unexpectedly, no matter how they died. I don't love those other people less just because they weren't one of the chosen few who went to space.

For those of you who are grieving: How to honor the Columbia crew? Fight for a change. Write letters to your representatives in congress. They were still using the same equipment that I lovingly dreamed about 20-some years ago. In a world where technology develops as quickly as it does, the space program deserves the budget to make space flight safer. We need to work to get some of America's massive war budget towards things like Science, Space Exploration and Education. There is no reason we couldn't already have a colony on the moon. If only NASA had the money....

What do you think? Am I cold and heartless? Feel free to email me at Nuadha_Silverhand at yahoo dot com.


Oh, and if they want any civilian volunteers for the next mission to space, I want NASA to email me. Even with the outdated equipment, I would take the chance in a second. To see the Earth from orbit just once or to experience weightlessness, I would gladly gamble my life....and if I were to die on reentry, I'd die a happy man knowing that I experienced it. It wouldn't be dying early. To paraphrase Neil Gaiman, "We all get the same amount of time, one lifetime."