Djinn's Dirtbag Party and a Fear of Crowds
(Warning- I started blogging about the party and went elsewhere. Sometimes you just gotta write what pops in your head, I guess.)

I had a great time at Double-N's birthday bash. I'm not usually comfortable in larger groups. I don't know why, but I've always been that way. When I'm with a couple of friends, I can talk people's ears off. Get me in a group of 6 or more and you rarely hear a peep. However, with this group I don't clam up as much as I usually do.

I think I have a slight phobia of crowds that may play in to why I become uneasy. I'm not saying that it was some huge crowd at the party, just that it may explain a little. Everyone seems to have some things that scare them. The only thing I can think of that makes me really uneasy is large groups of people. It's not like I'm frozen with fear or anything. I'm just uncomfortable. In fact, the only time I remember having any truly phobic reaction to a crowd was at a Lollapalooza. I was in the crowd when Alice in Chains started playing. The crowd was huge and everyone was puching to get closer to the stage. Suddenly I freak out and start hyperventilating. I don't know what's wrong. I just gotta get out of there. I work my way out and go to the most secluded place I can find until I get my wits back. I listened to the rest of their show as far away from the crowd as I could.

I remember when I was a kid, my family used to go to Eastern Market in Detroit. Eastern Market is a big open air market with tons of farmers selling fresh produce. We would go on a Saturday about once a month and I hated it and I knew why. It was the crowds.

I just remembered where this probably all comes from. I remember going to Detroit Tigers game when I was about 6. Before going, my Grandma had told us about how people sometimes fall down as the crowds are moving out of stadiums and because the crowd behind is pushing so hard to get out, people can't stop and the poor person gets trampled to death. So, as we were leaving, I noticed how it was. Everone was smashed up against eachother and pushing to get out and I realized that it was true. That could happen. I think that story and the realization that crowds really are like that terrified me. Like I said, it's not like I'm having nightmares each night or I get frozen with terror in larger crowds or that I even really think that has anything to do with why I feel so awkward at larger parties. It's just an observation. I also noticed that I was much more comfortable when the party broke up in to smaller groups.