Gollum debates the new D&D miniatures line
Some of you may know that Wizards of the Coast is coming out with a new miniature game to replace Chainmail. It's going to be a collectible miniature game like Mage Knight and Heroclix with random packs of miniatures and looks pretty neat. However, many people are upset about it. Some, like me, were upset to see them cancel Chainmail because they wanted to go the route of Wizkids (the maker of MageKnight and Heroclix). Others are upset because they dislike the collectible format in general. Well, someone posted this on their message board and it cracked me up, so I figured I'd share:

“New minis are good. We likes the new minis.”

“No. New minis are stupid. We hates them!”

“But new minis are good! They’re pre-painted and they’re cheap.”

“Ugh! Disgusting WOTCs paint the minis! Give them to us raw…and metal…and shiny!”

“But WOTCs are our friends. They helps to fill the needs of an underserved part of the market!”

“Paint jobs are sloppy. We could paints them better with our eyeses closed.”

“But these minis not display pieces. We just wants them to play the game.”

“New minis aren’t for D&D players. They only wants us to play their new minis game. They made 3.5 just so they can sell more minis!”

“With the new minis, we can play both!”

“WOTCs are tricksy. They stole the Chainmail! The Precious! And we wants it back!”

“No. No. WOTCs want to help us. They use random packaging to reduce the number of unique sku numbers that local gaming stores need to order, streamlining the ordering process and reducing the risk of left over product that has to be taken as a write-off, thereby ensuring a lower cost to the consumer!”

“What?”

“Random minis are good!”

“No! We hates random minis! WOTCs are just jumping on the bandwagon. They makes rare minis so people will by lots of boxes! They just wants to make money! They make us buy boxes and boxes just to find the one mini we wants.”

“If you wants just one mini, you can gets it from the aftermarket.”

“Then we pays through our noses for it!”

“Not listening! Not listening!”

“We told you they was tricksy! We told you they was false!”

“WOTCs are good to us. If WOTCs make money, then we keep getting new products!”

“Stupid fat WOTCs! They don’t care about you! They’re just a faceless corporation that only wants your money to put in their filthy pocketses!”

“Well, if you don’t likes it, then don’t buys it!”

“What did you say?”

“I said…if you don’t likes it, then don’t buys it!”