A Newspeak dictionary
courtesy of the Toronto Times:

Toronto Sun, July 27, 2003

Terms of engagement
Herewith, definitions to keep on top of current events

By ERIC MARGOLIS -- Contributing Foreign Editor

It's very difficult keeping up with Mideast news due to the Orwellian
newspeak coming from Washington.

So here's a handy list of key terms, translated into simple English.

Liberation - Invasion.

Coalition - The U.S. and British invaders, plus some troops from
rent-a-nations like Romania and Poland. In the past, "the coalition" would
have been called imperial forces and mercenary auxiliaries.

Dictator - A ruler you don't like, or who does not cooperate.

Statesman - A cooperative dictator.

Stability - when things go the way Uncle Sam likes, ie., the status quo.

Instability - when things don't go the way Uncle Sam wants, ie., when
trouble-makers try to change the status quo.

Iraq reconstruction - a process whereby big firms that contribute to the
president's re-election campaign obtain contracts to rebuild the damage
caused by U.S. bombing.

Freeing Iraq's oil assets - Washington's seizure and sale of Iraqi oil,
which in no way can be compared to Cuba's seizure and sale of U.S.-owned
property, a dastardly crime.

Mideast democracy - regimes that hold rigged elections and obey Washington's
orders.

Free trade - pouring goods and services into the newly "liberated" country,
and buying up its key industrial assets at fire-sale prices.

Terrorism - violent acts by dangerous fanatics and malcontents who refuse to
accept the downtrodden status assigned to them by Washington.

Anti-terrorism - State terrorism.

Uranium - a yellowish mineral from Niger that causes red faces in the White
House.

Iraq Administrator - A pro-consul or gaulieter, disguised as a minor
suburban bureaucrat.

Drones of death - Iraqi remotely piloted aircraft that the White House
claimed were poised to fly off Iraqi ships lurking in the North Atlantic and
shower fiendish germs on a sleeping America - which turn out to be two model
airplanes, only one of which could fly. See "vans of death."

Vans of death - Claimed by Washington to be Iraqi mobile germ warfare
laboratories, but turn out, on inspection, to be British-supplied trucks for
inflating weather balloons.

Weapons of Mass Destruction - Nasty weapons, existing or non-existing, that
the other side has. When your side has them, they become invisible.

Torture - a foul act committed by your enemies. When your side does it, it's
called intensive interrogation in Guantanamo.

Homeland security - bolting the barn door after the horse has escaped by
rounding up Muslims and denying them due process of law.

French - Insubordinate ingrates and depraved chain-smokers who had the nerve
to try to block the jolly little war in Iraq, and now sneer, "we told you
so."

Germans - Untrustworthy. Just when you order them to be warlike again, they
go soft. Wait until they see the next dozen WWII epics from Hollywood.

Canadians - A bunch of pot-smoking, pinko, wimp nancy boys who marry their
best friends and refuse to obey orders from the Great White Father in
Washington.

Islam - An evil faith that promotes violence and hatred, as proven by the
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, who learned about the agents of the devil while
encountering them in motel rooms.

Fox News - The Ministry of Truth. (aka Minitruth, -Nuadha)

Al-Jazeera News - All the bad news we don't want to hear. See Fox News.

Die-hards and Saddam loyalists - Any Iraqis opposing the invasion of their
country.

Traitors and friends of Saddam - Journalists who questioned the Bush
Administration's lurid claims over Iraq's purported threat.

Moderate - A Mideastern ruler who toes the line and makes nice to Israel.

Peacekeepers - Troops from browbeaten or bribed vassal states sent to
perform garrison duty in U.S.-occupied nations that the Pentagon wants to
avoid, or lacks the troops to perform.

New Iraqi government - An august body that leaps to its feet when a U.S.
soldier enters the room, and has total authority over garbage collection and
sewers.

Saddam Hussein - A former close American ally who got too big for his
britches. If not assassinated, may soon be needed again to run Iraq for
Washington. (I have to disagree with this one. There's no way the US would use Hussein again when it can just create another dictator.....errr....statesman. -Nuadha)

Uday and Qusay - Yes, Saddam's boys were big-time delinquents, but Crazy
Uday's biggest mistake was probably making fun of George W. Bush in his
newspaper, calling the prez a draft-dodging wimp. Perhaps that's why he and
Qusay got the multi, anti-tank missile treatment - Texas justice - rather
than a nice show trial in Baghdad.

Eye-Raq - A democracy-seeking Arab state that volunteered for mentoring and
tutelage from Washington in exchange for helping out American drivers of
SUV's.