Nuadha's Tale

Ignorance can be tolerated, where reason is left free to combat it. -Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

A Letter to George W. Bush

August 26, 2004

It Takes Real Courage to Desert Your Post and Then Attack a Wounded Vet

Dear Mr. Bush,

I know you and I have had our differences in the past, and I realize
I am the one who started this whole mess about "who did what" during Vietnam when
I brought up that "deserter" nonsense back in January. But I have to hand it to
you on what you have uncovered about John Kerry and his record in Vietnam. Kerry has
tried to pass himself off as a war hero, but thanks to you and your friends, we
now know the truth.

First of all, thank you for pointing out to all of us that Mr. Kerry
was never struck by a BULLET. It was only SHRAPNEL that entered his body! I
did not know that! Hell, what's the big deal about a bunch of large, sharp, metal
shards ripping open your flesh? That happens to all of us! In my opinion,
if you want a purple heart, you'd better be hit by a bullet -- with your name on

Secondly, thank you for sending Bob Dole out there and letting us
know that Mr. Kerry, though wounded three times, actually "never spilled blood."
When you are in the debates with Kerry, turn to him and say, "Dammit, Mr. Kerry,
next time you want a purple heart, you better spill some American red blood! And I
don't mean a few specks like those on O.J.'s socks -- we want to see a good pint
or two of blood for each medal. In fact, I would have preferred that you had
bled profusely, a big geyser of blood spewing out of your neck or something!" Then
throw this one at him: "Senator Kerry, over 58,000 brave Americans gave their lives
in Vietnam -- but YOU didn't. You only got WOUNDED! What do you have to say for
yourself???" Lay that one on him and he won't know what to do.

And thanks, also, Mr. Bush, for exposing the fact that Mr. Kerry
might have
actually WOUNDED HIMSELF in order to get those shiny medals. Of
course he did! How
could the Viet Cong have hit him -- he was on a SWIFT boat! He was
going too fast
to be hit by enemy fire. He tried to blow himself up three different
times just so
he could go home and run for president someday. It's all so easy to
see, now, what
he was up to.

What would we do without you, Mr. Bush? Criticize you as we might,
when it comes
to pointing out other men's military records, there is no one who
can touch your
prowess. In 2000, you let out the rumor that your opponent John
McCain might be
"nuts" from the 5 years he spent in a POW camp. Then, in the 2002
elections, your
team compared triple-amputee Sen. Max Cleland to Osama bin Laden,
and that cost
him the election. And now you are having the same impact on war hero
John Kerry.
Since you (oops, I mean "The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth!")
started running
those ads, Kerry's poll numbers have dropped (with veterans, he has
lost 18 points
in the last few weeks).

Some people have said "Who are you, Mr. Bush, to attack these brave
considering you yourself have never seen combat -- in fact, you
actively sought to
avoid it." What your critics fail to understand is that even though
your dad got
you into a unit that would never be sent to Vietnam -- and even
though you didn't
show up for Guard duty for at least a year -- at least you were
still IN FAVOR of
the Vietnam War! Cowards like Clinton felt it was more important to
be consistent
(he opposed the war, thus he refused to go) than to be patriotic and

The reason that I think you know so much about other men's war
wounds is because,
during your time in the Texas Air National Guard, you suffered so
many of them
yourself. Consider the paper cut you received on September 22, 1972,
stationed in Alabama, working on a Senate campaign for your dad's
friend (when you
were supposed to be on the Guard base). A campaign brochure appeared
from nowhere,
ambushing your right index finger, and blood trickled out onto your
brand new
argyle sweater.

Then there was the incident with the Crazy Glue when your fraternity
visited you one weekend at the base and glued your lips together
while you were
"passed out." Though initially considered "friendly fire," it was
later ruled that
you suffered severe post traumatic stress disorder from the assault
and required
certain medicinal attention -- which, it seems, was provided by
those same
fraternity brethren.

But nothing matched your heroism when, on July 2, 1969, you
sustained a massive
head injury when enemy combatants from another Guard unit dropped a
keg of Coors
on your head during a reconnaissance mission at a nearby all-girls
Fortunately, the cool, smooth fluids that poured out of the keg were
exactly what
was needed to revive you.

That you never got a purple heart for any of these incidents is a
shame. I can
fully appreciate your anger at Senator Kerry for the three he
received. I mean,
Kerry was a man of privilege, he could have gotten out just like
you. Instead, he
thinks he's going to gain points with the American people bragging
about how he
was getting shot at every day in the Mekong Delta. Ha! Is that the
best he can do?
Hell, I hear gunfire every night outside my apartment window! If he
thinks he is
going to impress anyone with the fact that he volunteered to go when
he could have
spent the Vietnam years on the family yacht, he should think again.
That only
shows how stupid he was! True-blue Americans want a president who
knows how to
pull strings and work the system and get away with doing as little
work as

So, to make it up to you, I have written some new ads you can use on
TV. People
will soon tire of the swift boat veterans and you are going to need
some fresh,
punchier material. Feel free to use any of these:

ANNOUNCER: "When the bullets were flying all around him in Vietnam,
what did John
Kerry do? He said he leaned over the boat and 'pulled a man out of
the river.'
But, as we all know, men don't live in the river -- fish do. John
Kerry knows how
to tell a big fish tale. What he won't tell you is that when the
enemy was
shooting at him, he ducked. Do you want a president who will duck?
Vote Bush."

ANNOUNCER: "Mr. Kerry's biggest supporter, Sen. Max Cleland, claims
to have lost
two legs and an arm in Vietnam. But he still has one arm! How did
that happen? One
word: Cowardice. When duty called, he was unwilling to give his last
limb. Is that
the type of selfishness you want hanging out in the White House? We
think not.
Vote for the man who would be willing to give America his right
frontal lobe. Vote

Hope these help, Mr. Bush. And remember, when the American death
toll in Iraq hits
1,000 during the Republican convention, be sure to question whether
those who died
really did indeed "die" -- or were they just trying to get their
faces on CNN's
nightly tribute to fallen heroes? The sixteen who've died so far
this week were
probably working hand in hand with the Kerry campaign to ruin your
good time in
New York. Stay consistent, sir, and always, ALWAYS question the
veracity of anyone
who risks his or her life for this country. It's the least that
person deserves.


Michael Moore

P.S. George, I know you said you don't read the newspaper, but USA
Today has given
me credentials to the Republican convention to write a guest column
each day next
week (Tues.-Fri.). If you don't want to read it, you and I will be
in the same
building so maybe I could come by and read it to you? Lemme know...


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